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Cobra Network Television
Posts 2012 Feb 08 - Cobra Network Television excerpt (A snippet of Cobra Network Television is sent to major news networks across the world. It airs on BBC, CNN, MSNBC, and other news outlets.) "Welcome to CNT's six o'clock news," says a cheery voice, as the Cobra Network Television logo fades to a view of a strawberry blonde newswoman seated behind a desk. "We start with our top story: Cobra's response to the world flooding. Cobra's beneficence knows no bounds. Troops and supplies are on their way to people in need all over the world. Everyone needs help recovering from the global flooding, and Cobra is doing its part to rebuild the planet." The view changes to a world map, where several locations are marked out with blinking yellow dots. "Major Bludd left early this morning with a flight of Anaconda cargo choppers, headed to Africa." The map slides into the corner and video of the Anacondas lifting off from the helipad at Crown City, Cobra Unity, appears. "Their two-week tour will take in countries in need such as Sierra Leone, Liberia, and Tanzania." The video ends and the view returns to the newswoman behind the desk. "Other groups are heading to southeast Asia and the United States. Wherever the national governments are unable to help all their citizens, Cobra will be there, restoring life and health to the people of the world. Now it's time for weather with Gunter Baum." Feb 08 - More Cobra Response to World Flood A red Cobra logo, its center replaced with the letters 'CNT', fills the screen. A deep male voice says, "This is Cobra Network Television." "Welcome to CNT's six o'clock news," says a cheery voice, as the Cobra Network Television logo fades to a view of a strawberry blonde newswoman seated behind a desk. She speaks, "Continuing the coverage of our top story of the last few days, we have the latest departures from the Crown City helipad, in Cobra Unity. Vypra and a flight of Anacondas left for a three week tour of locations in Southeast Asia. Included in the official itinerary forwarded from the Baroness' Public Relations Office are stops in," The picture flashes to a Map of Southeast Asia, with Cobra Symbols placed over locations, as the anchor speaks, "Yangon, Myanmar; Bangkok, Thailand; Vientiane, Laos; Hanoi, Vietnam; Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam; Kuala Lampur, Malaysia; Singapore; Jakarta, Indonesia; and Manila, The Philippines." The video feed returns to the female anchor, and she smiles brightly, "We also have reports that Tomax and Xamot are scheduled to depart in the near future, but the details have not been released yet. We will be sure to announce them as soon as they are! Now it's time for weather with Gunter Baum." Feb 13 - Title: Central America A somber, male anchor sits on the set of the 'Daily News at Noon' set of the CNT Network. It is impossible to tell his height, as he is seated, but he has white hair, blue eyes, and when he speaks, it is in a deep, grave sounding voice. "Good Day, this is Charlie Corning, and this is CNT Daily News at Noon. We start today with the departure of Tomax and Xamot from the Crown City heipad, on a mission of mercy. They departed, along with a fleet of Anaconda's, to Central America, with their first planned stop to be Guatemala City, Guatemala. However, they plan to overnight with the troops that Cobra have stationed around Cobra Island, first, to check on them, and see to their needs. After Guatemala, they will swing East, into Belize, than south, through all of Central America, providing Food and medical supplies that no one else, has as yet, deemed fit to supply." Charlie stares into the camera, and his face seems extra grave, "This is the third such mission that Cobra has launched, and all the United States can do is heep scorn on the efforts, and deny Cobra attempts to assist the American people. Perhaps this commentator has it wrong, but that seems like the United States not being able to put the past behind them, and being unable to see that Cobra has turned over a new leaf." Charlie shrugs, "Turning to other news, The oil Refinery in the C.U. has once again started to turn out refined petroleum products...." Feb 22 - Africa Tour Moves On to Liberia "Welcome to CNT's six o'clock news," says a cheery voice, as the Cobra Network Television logo fades to a view of a strawberry blonde newswoman seated behind a desk. "I'm Amber Gould. Our top story today is the ongoing efforts to rebuild impoverished nations following the global floods." An image of a world map appears in the newswoman's place and zooms in on the African continent. Over the map, a Cobra emblem flies into the frame from behind the camera and lands on the continent. The words "Africa Tour" spell themselves across the frame. The image resizes and moves to the corner of the screen, revealing the newswoman once again. "Tele-Vipers in Sierra Leone report that communications and power have been restored to the refugee camp at Western Area National Park, and that the reclamation of buildings in the capital, Freetown are well underway. Sierra Leoneans can now enjoy rebroadcasts of Cobra Commander's most loved speeches, local music, and informational content provided by our technicians. The Africa Tour now moves on to Liberia. It's so good to know Cobra is helping so many needy people in the world, isn't it, Gunter?" Off-camera, a deep male voice responds, "Sure is, Amber." The camera cuts to a stocky blond man in an ecru suit. "Let's have a look at what weather is heading our way here in Cobra Unity." Gunter Baum smiles broadly. " Tonight will be quiet but cloudy, with slight winds from the northeast and an overnight low of zero degrees." He gestures to the map as images of clouds roll across it. "Friday will bring more of the same, but never fear: it'll clear up late Friday into Saturday, leaving Sunday sunny with a high of nine degrees -- that's about forty-eight in Fahrenheit. I'll have more of your forecast later. For now, I'll send it back to Amber in the main studio." Feb 25 - News Break - Aid for Senegal The CNT logo fades to reveal a satellite map of Senegal in western Africa. A French-accented male voice says, "Good afternoon. This is your news break. Though not part of the official "Africa Tour", Senegal will receive several shipments of relief supplies from Cobra to help them recover from their flood damage. Food, water, clothing, building materials, and medical supplies will be flown to Thies, the only major city to have been spared the floodwaters. The displaced people of The Gambia, which was completely submerged, will also share in the supplies. The good wishes of all of us here in Cobra Unity go out to the Senegalese and the Gambians in this time of crisis. This is Guy Rousseaux." Feb 27 - Report on Myanmar A red Cobra logo, its center replaced with the letters 'CNT', fills the screen. A deep male voice says, "This is Cobra Network Television." A somber, male anchor sits on the set of the 'Daily News at Noon' set of the CNT Network. It is impossible to tell his height, as he is seated, but he has white hair, blue eyes, and when he speaks, it is in a deep, grave sounding voice. "Good Day, this is Charlie Corning, and this is CNT Daily News at Noon. We start today with the news from Myanmar. "In Yangon this week, Vypra reports that the Airport and Rail Stations are back up and running, and while running water and electricity have yet to be restored, they should soon be." He pauses, and reads something on the hardcopy, twice, "In fact, Cobra Engineers are in the process of building two damns. One on the Yangon River, and the other on the Bago river, which form the valley the city is located in. These damns will provide Hydro-Electric power to the city, and will allow the city to enjoy, for the first time in its existence, 24 hour power." "In further news from the region, Sky Creeper reports that the in each section of the city, hospitals are reopening, and better stocked with medicines than ever before. CObra has ensured that all residents of the city are recieving immunizations against the local diseases, as well as providing Doctors to increase the staff of doctors available. Finally, construction of New Cell Towers, along with distrubution of Cell Phones to the Residents will immediately impact communications in the city." Charlie smiles at the camera, "Cobra, once again leading the way in helping the world recover from the floods. Tomorrow, we should have a report on Tomax and Xamot's activities in Central America." The screen fades to black, as a commercial for Cobra-Cola comes on. March 13 - Central America A red Cobra logo, its center replaced with the letters 'CNT', fills the screen. A deep male voice says, "This is Cobra Network Television." A somber, male anchor sits on the set of the 'Daily News at Noon' set of the CNT Network. It is impossible to tell his height, as he is seated, but he has white hair, blue eyes, and when he speaks, it is in a deep, grave sounding voice. "Good Day, this is Charlie Corning, and this is CNT Daily News at Noon. We start today with the news of the twins, Tomax and Xamot, and their tour through the flood ravaged Central American Isthmus. They arrived in Guatemala City, where they found much of the higher elevation parts of the city over run by the population of the lower zones, where the city was in ruins. They put their forces to work, rebuilding both the high and low elevations. The most tragic thing they discovered, however, was that the museums and cultural centers had been looted. Most of the artwork or the valuable statues have been found, but many remain missing, especially the pieces made from Mayan Gold. The Twins have been able to finish their work in Guatemala, and moved on. When they arrived in Belize, they discovered that the country was empty. No one had remained in the country, they had all fled the rising water to Mexico, however, they left a large number of Vipers to rebuild the country, so that when the people of Belize returned, they could move into the rebuilt country, which would be even better than when they had left. The Twins are currently in Honduras. The capital city of Tegus is undergoing a major rebuild, and they are also overseeing a new, democratic election, ending the previous regime's hold on the country that had been elected in, but had also staged a coup d'état to take over. All in all, it sounds like they have been very busy." The screen fades to black, as a commercial for the series, 'Interviews with a Cobra Command Member' comes on. March 23 - Turbulence in the Africa Tour "Welcome to CNT's six o'clock news," says a cheery voice, as the Cobra Network Television logo fades to a view of a strawberry blonde newswoman seated behind a desk. "I'm Amber Gould. After setting up shelters and distributing food and water to Sierra Leone's refugees, Cobra's Africa tour moved on to Liberia. The trip was not without incident, as a freak storm caused the crash of two of the Anaconda transport helicopters as they crossed into Liberian airspace. Casualties are said to be light. "Liberian President Harriet Barker-Rhone greeted the troops personally at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, located only a few miles from the Executive Mansion on heavily-sandbagged Capitol Hill, where only the frantic work of Liberian engineers to add a flood wall prevented the President's residence from major damage during the height of the flooding." Apr 06 - Africa Tour - Cote D'Ivoire "Welcome to CNT's six o'clock news," says a cheery voice, as the Cobra Network Television logo fades to a view of a strawberry blonde newswoman seated behind a desk. "I'm Amber Gould. Cobra agricultural technicians arrived this week in Cote D'Ivoire to aid that nation in rebuilding its devastated farmlands. It is hoped the resurgence of Ivorian coffee and cocoa production will shore up the country's economy and avert a deeper dive into crisis." May 17 - CNT: Attacked in Africa (CNN and the BBC pick up and rebroadcast this story from Cobra Network Television:) "Welcome to CNT's six o'clock news," says a cheery voice, as the Cobra Network Television logo fades to a view of a strawberry blonde newswoman seated behind a desk. "I'm Amber Gould. We have been informed that a G.I. Joe agent assaulted a Cobra High Command member in Cote D'Ivoire today. Cobra has been working tirelessly in Africa for several months, in the wake of last year's global flooding, to help the peoples of those nations to rebuild their lands. The notorious G.I. Joe agent known as "Duke", hiding amongst the work details, suddenly attacked Major Bludd, the commander of Cobra's African operations." A photo of Duke appears in the corner of the screen. "Cobra personnel on-scene were unable to prevent the agent from fleeing the scene after the attack, which left Major Bludd with several injuries. Though Bludd fought valiantly against this utterly unprovoked assault, he was unable to prevail against the American's dirty tactics. Cobra infantry teams have been dispatched to find and capture the perpetrator. Any locals receiving this broadcast should be on the lookout for this well-known foe of Cobra. A reward has been posted for information leading to his capture." Category:2012 2013 Aug 06 - Quintesson Invasion The Cobra Network Television logo, which is the Cobra symbol with the letters CNT in the middle appears on the screen. A dark haired, somber news anchor says, "Welcome to the morning edition of Cobra Network News. Today we have a special report on the Quintesson Invasion from Interrogator. The image on the screen is replaced with an image of Interrogator in front of a Cobra Flag at stiff attention, and his voice is emotionless. He says, "This is the known information on the events in Los Angeles. "On July nineteenth of this year, the Quintessons touched down in the city in their ships. They released their minions, the Sharkticons. Nightgaunt and myself were shot down. While I was able to escape, Zartan, Nightgaunt, and Angel chose to stay and monitor the situation. Not soon after, the communication difficulties began. "On July twenty-second, the operatives heard the Quintesson leader order the Sharkticons to gather civilians for experiments. I have confirmed the Quintesson experiments are quite brutal and deadly. "On July twenty-fifth, our noble and wise leader, Cobra Commander, made a television broadcast that was garbled. From what we have been able to discern, he wishes us to work with our enemies to repel the invaders. We will return to this point later. "On July twenty-sixth, Techno-Viper #1749 and his team found a way that allowed us to communicate. Major Bludd also issued an order that we were all to operate under a truce with G.I. Joe until further notice. "On July twenty-ninth, Angel and the Autobot Lodestone were able to plant an electric surveillance device on a Sharkticon. They also located another Autobot who had been shot down. "On August second, we learned the Quintessons had a machine that allowed them to terraform the Earth. The machine was destroyed before much transformation could occur. We believe they were trying to terraform Earth into their planet, which they claim temporal disturbances from Earth caused. The Quintessons also released their Air Force. "On August fourth, I led an extraction force. We suffered loses, and mourn those who gave their lives in service to Cobra. We left some forces behind at a temporary base just outside of the city from which we will launch future missions into Quintesson controlled territory. "In that period, I was contacted by Cobra Commander and ordered to command the resistance against the Quintessons. "Today we continue to send special forces into the city to discover any intelligence we can on the alien invaders." Interrogator takes a long pause and says gently, "We have so far been fortunate the Quintessons have confined their efforts to the city of Los Angeles and the surrounding areas. I realize that some of you may have had family in that area. Cobra will continue to extract survivors, and the Autobots are dropping supplies. There is another long pause and he says sympathetically, "I know some of you have hated those we must now work with all of your lives. In these troubling times, we must put aside our personal feeling, thoughts, and desires and focus on ridding the planet of the Quintessons. I am not saying you have to make friends or salute their officers, but be civil. "Cobra forever!" The image is returned to the news anchor who says, "Thank you Interrogator. In other news..." 2014 Jul 17 - Frusenland A different tale is being broadcast on CNT than the national stage. yes the national news coverage looks bad for the American military. CNT footage is very simple. A short clip showing Cobra forces being welcomed lovingly into Frusenland only to be rebuffed, Vipers shown defending Cobra interests with fervor. A ten second clip of Tomax being transported off an aircraft and into a waiting ambulance headed for Crown City Palace. A cut away to Xamot shedding a single tear with the caption :"Political Envoys ambushed" :Then in bold print scrolling across the screen "We SHALL overcome. We are strong." 2015 Mar 16 - Professionals for hire! *A well dressed business woman in a blue pants-suit and red blouse smiles at the camera with tons of bubbly energy!* :"Hello there! My name is Susan and I have a question for you!?" :An all too practiced grin forms on her lips :"Are you a business professional or self-employed go-getter who feels they lack the ability to follow through with their dreams? Are you struggling to reach your full potential, but find yourself restricted or just plain smothered by current government laws and regulations?" :Susan frowns to show her displeasure. "Well I'm here to tell you to stop what you're doing, drop your remote and head on down to the nearest Cobra recruiting site! We have JUST the life for you!" :Her smile returns. :"Here at Cobra we encourage and nurture well-to-do, driven business professionals from all career paths and walks of life! Doctor, Lawyer, Accountant, if you have a masters degree and want to buck off the government monkey on your back, we're here to help! Cobra will financially back your business or practice, staff your business free of charge, relocate your business upon request, and yes we WILL buy your business if you do not find your life has improved within one calendar year! And best of all, for veterans of our program who are invested at the Crimson level, we now offer complimentary elective plastic surgery! Call or visit us today! :*Susan winks at the screen. Slowly her visage fades to that of Tomax and Xamot standing in front of a Cobra tapestry giving you the thumbs up* 2018 May 23 - Cobra, Friend of Freedom :Airing in each occupation city besides Washington, DC, anchor Chuck Underthal offers a special news report, sitting behind a desk in a Cobra blue suit with a red tie. :"Reporting to you on Cobra Television, Cobra Commander has decided to show the American people his generosity. Life is business, and in business, it pays to learn from your customers." :A picture comes up of an American flag spray-painted on the side of a building, Vipers watching it painted, assault rifles in hand. :"Cobra has decided to respond benevolently to vandalism and tagging inside Cobra-sequestered cities, being run under Cobra's administration until the chaotic elements of hedonism and weakness are purged from the brave citizens. Grafitti and art are now allowed by Cobra citizens in North America, as long as all curfews, work crew demands, and private security policies are allowed." :"Cobra is calling this policy, the Good Feelings Accord. Living under Cobra offers you structure. And it is important to remember, that with structure, comes shelter." :"Chuck Underthal, signing off. Back to your regular scheduled programming, of Amos and Andy." Jul 16 - B.A.T.s For America! The following message has been brought to you by Cobra: Cobra! Building a better world. :A Cobra Viper walks down a sunny street in a clearly U.S. city. He stops as if he had just noticed the camera and waves in a neighborly fashion before closing in on the camera and removing his helmet to reveal a middle aged, smiling, man going slightly bald and wearing circular frame spectacles. :"Hello America! Your old friend Bill Buttacker here, and you may have noticed the androids patroling your home town' the view pans to show a B.A.T. on the street corner and several kids staring at it, wide eyed, 'Don't be afraid though, the Cobra B.A.T. is a peace keeping creation, meant to remove the concern of corrupt, lackadaisical, or just plain negligent police forces of the past. Well worry no more, prejudices, lack of work ethic, or just plain laziness in your municipal police force is a thing of the past!" :The kids attempt to hurry past the B.A.T. and try to cross the street during a Don't Walk sign, only for the android to swiftly interpose itself between them and the street, it's internal speakers blatting, "Halt! The walk signal has not shown, you cannot cross yet!" :The camera returns to a smiling Bill, "Imagine, parents, your own kids trying to cross the street at the wrong time' the image shows cars speeding past 'without such an attentive, and duty driven, creation as The B.A.T. on hand to keep them from making what could have been a tragic mistake? Don't worry though, B.A.T.s are hear to make America the place it was meant to be!" :The screen shows several 'thugs' being hauled out of a building to a law enforcement vehicle, narrated by Bill, "No more concern of gangs and drug dealers!" :A man with a 'slim Jim' inserted into a car gets grabbed and lifted up by his jacket, from behind, "Car thieves" :A mugger holding up a couple of teenage kids is suddenly dropped by taser bolts slamming into his side, "Muggers" :A riot in what looks like is taking place in Philadelphia, or another East Coast colonial state, is shown. Rioters in the midst of looting, burning, and flipping cars are suddenly halted by unnervingly accurate gas canisters landing in the middle of groups and others being hit with water hoses or taser ammunition, "And your family will be safe if malcontents stir themselves up enough to damage property and threaten innocent civilians." :Bill's smiling face re-appears, the two street crossing children standing next to him and beaming big 'Gee wilackers!' smiles at the camera, "So don't be afraid. The B.A.T.s are here for you, to protect you, and' the children join in 'Make America great again!" The image fades out to show the Cobra symbol over the star field of the American flag. Jul 24 - Cobra Youth! This message was brought to you by Cobra. Cobra! Making the world a better place! The scene opens to a viper shaking hands with a silver haired, smiling, man as the viper walks through the doors of a classroom. The scene pans to show a room full of bright eyed children smiling up at the armored cobra soldier as he removes his helmet to show the kindly, middle-aged, face of Bill Buttacker. "Hello America, I'm Bill Buttacker!" the camera cuts to the kids waving and responding, "Hi Bill!" Bill winks at the camera and motions, "Mothers and Fathers, we know that you worry about the future of your children. Will they be a success? Will they have purpose in their life?' he inclines his head to the classroom, 'Well Cobra has reopened the Cobra Youth program, so you don't have to worry. Your child is looked after by our specially selected personnel who quietly observe to check the aptitudes of your children in school and play." the scene cuts to show children taking a test, "Scholarships are prepared for students who show exceptional skill - and not just in sports as the corrupt old way emphasized. Children capable in art, sciences, sports, and literature are nurtured to their passion and are granted the opportunity that America failed to provide in the past." A man with a cobra armband sits next to a child painting on a simple canvas while Bill speaks, "Artists will be encouraged to pursue their talent and be shown how it can benefit them later in life' the scene cuts to a middle-school age football game 'sports stars are made to pay attention to their schoolwork as much as their capability in the game - team-work is emphasized and even rewarded!' the scene cuts to a high school student in a chemistry class using 'tactical' hologram equipment to pour simulated chemicals 'Only the most advanced tech is allowed into schools in areas protected by Cobra, and your children are further protected by using virtual, and real, equipment as the situation dictates to make sure their education prepares them for their next steps in life." The scene changes to group of kids in gray fatigues with red cobra symbols on their shoulders running through a summer camp obstacle course "Summer activity is provided as well, optionally, for parents. Physical fitness is an important thing for growing children, and at Cobra Youth Camp we also watch for natural leaders and provide them advanced individual education to help mold them into the leaders our world will need when the corrupted, and avarice driven, regimes of the past are expunged and all men and women can live happily." Bill reappears with two children standing next to him with big smiling faces, "Don't worry parents, Cobra knows that to raise a child it takes a village, we're helping you shoulder the weight of responsibility the way the American government wouldn't!' then the children join him, shouting excitedly "Hail Cobra! Hail America!!" The scene fades to a black field with the American flag waving, with the Cobra symbol emblazoned on in the blue of the star field. Jul 30 - C.O.B.R.A. For America! "We'll be right back with 'How The Senate Failed Us, and How We Will Rebuild' in just a few minutes, after these important messages from; Cobra! Building a better world!" a brief fade to black before footage plays showing a medi-evac helicopter landing on a hospital helipad. A medi-viper with two normal nurses, and an E.R. Doctor, in scrubs with Cobra symbols on their arms rush in and rush a gurney with a man on it, and red sheets, from the chopper to the emergency doors. The camera pans back to show the Aero-Viper pilot climbing down and pulling off his helmet to reveal the smiling face of Bill Buttacker, whose balding hair has been unaffected by the helm. :"Hello America, Bill Buttacker here, and I have more, and important, instruction for you. Today we're going to learn about C.O.B.R.A.! What does it mean to you?" He beams at the camera and the scene cuts to firemen wearing cobra symbol'd jackets working with pyro-vipers to extinguish a burning home. :"Cooperation! Cooperating with Cobra is essential to rebuilding America and dragging from the pit that the old government had dug for it through years of unmitigated personal greed and corruption. Cobra seeks peace and prosperity for all Americans, in fact Cobra wants this for the entire world! Even now we seek to incorporate Russia into what we affectionately call Planet Cobra." The scene cuts to imagery of a food distribution center, several Cobra Troopers working with men and women in laborer coveralls, and a young woman in a skirt suit and a clipboard. :"Organization! The fundamental of order, Cobra has already begun working with your local food sources to make sure that bargain shopping, and food waste, becoming a thing of the past. Your children won't have to eat sub-standard sugary waste food because it's cheap, while Joe Lobbyist down the block has French toast and breakfast steaks - all because he knew the right people to put cash in his front pocket...' the camera shows a man ducking slightly when the camera focuses on him, looking embarrassed and running into his home as others in the cul de sac jeer him. 'Public transportation, labor, construction, and other important work functions are also being organized so that everyone, of proper age, can contribute to receive food and shelter as is only appropriate for our fellow man!" cuts of construction workers wearing Cobra symbol helmets waving, bus drivers, janitors, and a school teacher. :"Bravery! It's a new world, and change can be worrisome' imagery of the Cobra flag being hoisted over the White House and the capitol buildings, 'and the guardians of the new, and more corrupt, Rome seek to return to their old way of life, which puts you firmly under their collective boot heels.' imagery of Alley-Vipers using their shields and riot-sticks to fight against U.S. National Guard, 'Don't worry folks, we're only trying to subdue so that we can allow these brave men and women a chance to see how they were being abused by men and women too blinded by avarice to do what was best for the nation! Which brings us too... :"Respect!' the footage shows an elderly woman with her arm around the elbow of a Medi-Viper being led, at the woman's pace, into what looks like a country club. 'Everyone is worthy of it, not just the affluent born into families made rich on the backs of native people and those stolen from their lands! Those who have reached such an age deserve their rest after giving so much to the next generation." The scene switches to men and women who are clearly mentally disturbed being treated by doctors and medi-vipers in a clean white facility, the patients themselves dressed in clean gray clothing 'Mental illness won't be ignored to make a quick buck for prescription companies. Those in need of help, will get the help they need, which brings us to, :"Achievement!" A man with downs syndrome stands with another man, both dressed in suits and speaking to a group of people dressed in woodland gear at the head of what looks like a national park trail. "Women and men who show talent find themselves where they need to be. Take Mark here' Bill steps into frame, shaking hands firmly with the man with downs, 'Mark is very task oriented and an excellent speaker and we've found he is excellent at organizing cleanup and maintenance of this countries precious national parks and reserves. He operates as the manager of the Lincoln Boyhood National Park in Indiana, making sure not only are the woods of Abraham Lincoln's childhood kept pristine, but his homestead as well." the scene changes to an orbital view, showing the United States with the Cobra symbol super imposed over it. :"Hail Cobra! Hail freedom!" Aug 21 - Cobra Law! This message was brought to you by Cobra. Cobra! Building a better world! :The scene fades into a courtroom, two smug looking attorneys stand at the prosecution and defense tables while a greasy looking gentleman in a open throat tropical shirt and gold chains grins at a somewhat pitiful man in spectacles. The judge bangs his gavel and speaks "The court finds in favor of the plaintiff - Mr Spagliniotti.' the judge looks at the pitiful man 'Mr. Johanson, it is irrelevant that Mr. Spagliniotti's coffee was iced, as well as t hat the stain could easily be removed and that you would pay the cleaning costs. The fact is that you caused mental anguish to this man, who had spent so long in line for his beverage, and now could not enjoy it. You are required to pay the plaintiff no less than twenty-five thousand dollars." :The spectacled man sags and the scene fades to black. Into the black space a Cobra viper strides, pulling off his helmet to provide the viewer a clear sight at the doughy, and 'nice uncle' like features of the balding man's beneath. "Hello America, I'm Bill Buttacker. Sadly, what we saw here may be all to familiar to some of our fellow Americans. Forced to pay extortion to men and women who bring litigation into what would have, long ago, been a problem resolved by functioning adults. Well that corrupt legal system has been done away with, once and for all!" Bill throws his arms wide, beaming at the camera. :"Cobra Law is the purest form of law! Gone is the byzantine age of 'who has the best lawyer' and suing your fellow man because he wore a color you thought was too bright and cheery." The scene changes to show a man in handcuffs that are connected by chain to a floor bolt. A voice rendered mechanically neutral by a helmet vocalizer intones, "Camron Finnigan - you have been proven guilty battery against Francis Lorne Buchall, your sentence will be served with the Reconstruction Camps Labor Crew, effective immediately..." the scene changes to show men and women in warning yellow stripped gray coveralls, with anklets on both legs, digging, hauling, and otherwise doing all of the manual muscle labor for a construction crew working on rebuilding what looks like the west wing of an apartment complex while Bill speaks, :"Many people lost their homes when G.I. Joe and other U.S. Armed forces needlessly attacked here when this city was liberated by Cobra. Their wanton love of violence caused several injuries, and thankfully no deaths. Now criminals are helping rebuild it, allowing construction workers to focus on construction and carpenters on their carpentry instead of having to haul tools and supplies. Gone are the days of For Profit prison, another relic of a decadently corrupt past. Now those same facilities house work crews whom are trained for basic labor jobs, and for some even have the opportunity to apprentice under other professionals once they've served their time.' the scene shows another prison with men and women locked in cells, 'For harder criminals, murderers, sexual assault, and other heinous acts - Cobra is unwilling to institutionalize and then release them like animals back on the street. No. For these criminals, only the most severe punishment is reserved." :The scene cuts to show an icy landscape where thickly clothed inmates work with welding tools on what looks like a communications array, several B.A.T.s are on sight, keeping watch. "These criminals are sent to work to maintain equipment in Earth's most dangerous territories' the scene shows what may be men and women on a platform like as to what an oceanic oil rig would normally be constructed on, working weather surveillance equipment, 'Cooperation merits a chance to redeem oneself, and with no human guards to be manipulated, bribed, or injured - if the inmates try to escape, there is no place to go. All the while they work to make sure that weather is properly reported, communications are uninterrupted, and that they learn their lesson... or else!" Bill re-appears "Cobra is taking a no-tolerance view of crime, and so should you!" The scene fades out to the US flag with the Cobra symbol emblazoned on the stars field. Aug 28 - Cobra Volunteers! :"Good morning, America! I'm Bill Buttacker!' Bill appears in Viper attire, with his helmet tucked under one arm, 'America has grown stronger day by day, corrupted Drug 'enforcement' agencies and bloated, bureaucratic, Investigative agencies have been cast aside. No longer able to glean money from an American people that they were harassing while perpetuating a 'War on Drugs' that has cost this great country more than 3.3 Billion annually, and almost 1 Trillion since 1971." Bill walks along a line of men and women in Cobra trooper service BDUs working with civilians to repair what looks like a private home. Bill shakes several hands, and motions to a cart of drinks and pastries before addressing the camera again. :"Many may ask themselves, 'How can I contribute?' well there are simple answers for complex questions. The simplest is - volunteer. Cobra has established Volunteer posts across each liberated territory. Simply show up, present your skill-set and how you would like to help and our representatives will assist you in finding ways to help your fellow man. For Americans currently out of work, we will even help find a job where you can contribute, receive a weekly pay based on hours and job worked, and even provide housing in local quarters so you can get a warm bed, hot meal, and refreshing shower to be fresh while you use this opportunity to get back on your feet! :"How else can you help? For those who wish to go even further - Cobra is recruiting. From Troop services to engineering and utility services, Cobra allows you a chance to define yourself by being part of what is repairing this great nation!' The scene changes to men and women in training BDUs working on a truck engine, then another piloting a commuter airplane. Then to people in BDUs running an obstacle course and then others in martial arts training circles, 'The Cobra Infantry, Aerospace, and Naval forces are always ready to welcome and train new recruits, and those who show the aptitude can find themselves asked to join the Viper Corps!" :Bill re-appears, smiling, "Cobra allows every man, woman, and child the opportunity to help make the world the way it should be! If you're interested, see your local volunteer station today, there's no obligation!" :The screen changes to the American flag with the Cobra sigil emblazoned over the star field. Sep 05 - Join the AASEA! This message brought to you by Cobra for a Better America :The image scans down from the top of the Washington Monument, American flags with Cobra sigils over the star field draped from the midway point. At the foot of the monument, Cobra troopers and Vipers are standing, looking up at it. One removes his helmet, revealing himself to be Bill Buttacker. :"Hello America, Bill Buttacker here, and Cobra wants you to know that we still honor the giants who built this land, who wanted a land of peace and prosperity, whom had wanted a land for it's people. That's why I'm here to say that we are honoring the founders of this nation, and it's greatest leaders because without them, this land would still be under the yolk of unfairly taxed oppression. :The image cuts to the inside of the Smithsonian, with Bill walking along the historical attractions, "We are striving to rebuild what lobbying groups have turned into a sad shadow and joke of it's former self. Funding is being provided to the new AASEA, the American Aeronautics Space Exploration Association. The Cybertronians, and other aliens, that have come to Earth prove with their very existence that humankind must continue to strike onwards and upwards. :The image shows a shuttle launch facility being constructed by B.A.T.s with bright yellow and orange body paint, "The Quantico Launch Facility has begun, and research for spacecraft that can go further and further out into our solar system is underway providing labor and sciences work to those whom had been the victim of the failed United States' Aerospace program's faltering steps. I myself am looking forward to living on the first moon colony!" Bill appears on the edge of the construction zone, smiling cheerfully, "Cobra is on the lookout for experts in aerospace fields, and will be happy to discuss employment opportunities at your schedule! So please visit your local Cobra recruitment station, and mention your interest in the AASEA and join our band of intrepid scientists and engineers who seek to make homes for everyone in our solar system, and beyond!" The image fades to an American flag with the Cobra sigil over the starfield. Oct 15 - Cobra Halloween! The scene opens on a group of kids out for trick or treating, while a man with a creep-stache walks behind them. As the kids round a corner, with hedges and trees blocking sight of them from any of the houses. The kids turn as creep-stache steps out and gasp as he claw-grab-reaches for the one dressed like a fairy princess. At that moment a figure in black armor with a dog faced helmet grabs the creep-stache in an arm-bar while a regular viper slaps cuffs onto the outstretched wrist, taking the grip and then twisting the man's arm behind his back to cuff his wrists together. The matter attended, he turns an leaves the black armored man to begin leading creepo away. The viper removes his helmet, revealing Bill, "Hello boys and girls, Bill Buttacker here! Your parents don't need to worry this year when you go out trick or treating because Cobra has your back!" The scene shifts to show Ninja-Vipers, B.A.T.s remodeled to look like goofy Halloween characters, and several agent looking types, based on their gear and equipment, moving along alleys, sidestreets, rooftops, and such. The groups shadow gatherings of children enjoying Halloween fun. "Cobra is going to make sure all children in Cobra America territories are protected this year, something the US Government and G.I. Joe failed to do while making propaganda about labor camps and other nonsense trying to turn the rest of America away from much needed change." Bill's smiling face returns to the screen, with several children around him, "Thank you, for letting Cobra protect what is most important to all of us, and most important to all of our future" The image turns to a jack'o'lantern with the Cobra symbol carved into it. Category:Television_programs